How do we solve marital problems? Not a straightforward answer. And I’m not a marriage counselor. And I actually don’t believe so much in marital counselling. I feel it’s overrated. That’s another topic for another day. But it’s obvious that people have marital problems. Serious marital problems. There’s only one way to solve or prevent them. I can summarize it in a single statement — be loving, selfless, and understanding. Simple. But there are many ways to describe this one way. People have different lists, some containing 20 things, some 100, some 7, others 21. If you break all the lists down, it will come down to this one statement I made above.
Martial problems can end only if you’re ready to do what it takes
Sometimes the answer is not as difficult as people think. But it’s funny that people want their marital problems to end without being ready to do what it takes to end them. I thought about it and came up with a concept. Here’s something I think will solve ALL marital problems. No marital problem would exist if folks could follow these principles. People who claim to believe in God wouldn’t have marital problems only if they would treat their spouses like they treat God!
Only if they would wake up in the morning and first thing do a ‘quiet time’ ‘praying’ to their spouses like they would do to God!
Only if they would spend the whole day to ‘commune’ closely with their spouses the way they commune with God!
Only if they would apologize to their spouses for everything the way they ask for forgiveness from God!
There are times when people are pushed to blame God but they won’t. Bad things happen that should make them blame or curse God, but they won’t. They would rather blame just about anything/anybody else (including themselves) than blame God. Only if people would rather blame just about anything/anybody else (including themselves) than blame their spouses for whatever has happened!
People always give testimonies of only the good things their God has ‘done’ for them. They wouldn’t even believe that their God can do anything evil. Only if they would similarly overlook their spouses’ weaknesses and instead testify to the good things their spouses do for them!
Only if they would politely tell their spouses what they want them to do without shouting or harassing them like they would tell God what they want him to do for them without insulting him!
Only if they wouldn’t do what their spouses wouldn’t want whether in their presence or their absence the same way they wouldn’t do what their God they can’t see doesn’t want!
Nobody has ever seen God. Yet they’re so committed to him. Only if people wouldn’t let the prolonged physical absence of their spouses reduce their commitment!
God is said to work in very mysterious ways. He’s said to have the most complex mind in existence but somehow people still claim to understand how God thinks and what he wants. Only if people would similarly understand their spouses and not hide behind the supposed impossibility of understanding how members of a particular gender think and what they want! Only if they would decode their spouses’ minds like they readily decode the most complex mind in existence!
Only if they would feel highly privileged to have been chosen and loved by their spouses like they feel privileged to have been chosen or elected by their God!
People have been reading the same holy books and talking about the same God for thousands of years and this God is still new to them every morning. Or so they say. Only if their spouses would still be new to them every morning just after 5 years of marriage!
People notice that their love for God is waxing cold and they do some things to reignite it. Only if they would similarly watch their love for their spouses and reignite it once they notice it’s growing cold!
God can not be seen but you have a sweet relationship with him. Try this with your spouse at home and end your marital problems
Other Gods are being advertised around them but they keep to their God. They can’t be distracted or attracted away from their God to strange gods. Even when the road is rough, they sing ‘I’ve got my mind made up and I won’t turn back’. Only if they would defy all other folks advertising themselves to them and stick to their spouses similarly! Only if they would similarly ‘get their minds made up’ as to not be lured away from their spouses to strange men and women!
People still keep on worshipping their God wholeheartedly even when he hasn’t taken them out of extreme poverty, barrenness and suffering. They claim that their relationship with God is more than riches and good things of this world. Only if they would similarly stick to their spouses even if there’s no child, money, shopping spree in Dubai, etc!
People value their relationships with their God so much that they say their relationship with their God is personal and nobody can come in between. Only if they would keep their relationship with their spouses similarly personal and not expose it to the third party!
People strive to conduct themselves in such a manner as to protect the image of their God (i.e., to not let the name of their God be ‘spoken evil against’). Only if they would conduct themselves similarly as to protect the image of their spouses!
People believe they can’t keep secrets from God. So they tell God everything and ask for guidance. Only if they would similarly keep no secrets from their spouses and then inform their spouses about every little detail of their plans!
I can go on and on but permit me to stop here. It’s important to note that this is in total contrast to what people are told. Usually the man is told to develop a personal relationship with God. The woman is also told to develop a personal relationship with God. Then they’re both told to bond together via God. Is God some sort of socket or adaptor via which you can connect two separate things? Thus you come up with two individuals who are completely married to their Gods but not to their spouses. They spend all the time fellowshipping with the God they can’t see while neglecting each other that they can see. In fact they’re so bonded with their God that they start to hallucinate by noticing that God is showing them that their spouse is evil and that they should separate from their spouse. Instead what if they’re told to bond to each other with the same avidity with which they’re told to individually bond to God?
You’ve been told not to trust anybody including your spouse. You’ve been told only God can be trusted. In other words, trust the person you can’t see but don’t put an absolute trust in your spouse you can see. You’ve been told that you should love an unseen entity blindly but open your eyes when loving the person you can see, touch, and feel. Think about this for some time. Take all the time you need. Can you notice any incoherencies?
But you board vehicles whose drivers you don’t know. You sit in the car, trusting your life into the hands of a total stranger. You submit your life into the hands of a doctor that you don’t know before. Of course, all these are easier than trusting your life into the hands of your spouse? The solution to your marital problems is right at the corner but somehow, I know you’re not ready to use it. What can I do than to encourage you to just give it a try? Remember that marriage is more than the wedding ring