Sex Errors at Wedding Nights

Today is Saturday and many weddings will happen. I’m in the spirit right now and I want to drop some prophecies. Even TB Joshua can’t compete with me when I’m in this realm. Let’s go! 

Prophecy 1
The spirit is telling me right now that there’s a newly wedded couple that won’t have sex tonight and the next few days because they want to dedicate their first 7 days (‘7’ stands for perfection) as a fast to the Lord and thus they don’t want to contaminate themselves with carnality. Instead of doing the proper thing, that couple will chant the scriptures and speak tons of tongues for the next 7 nights to lay a solid supernatural foundation for their marriage. You know the marital journey requires a glorious start with God’s presence even in your bedroom, doesn’t it? The Lawd tells me to tell you that you’ve missed out on the ‘koko of d sumtin’ and the Lawd is shaking his damn head for you as I share this revelation.

Prophecy 2
There’s a newly wedded couple that won’t be able to have sex tonight and the next few days because they will be too tired from the all-day dancing at the church and the reception.

Prophecy 3
There’s a newly wedded couple that won’t be able to have sex tonight and the next few days because he will suffer stage fright. Or will not even know what to do. He has kept himself pure and chaste all his life and this is one of the side effects of male virginity at 28 years of age.

Prophecy 4
There’s yet another newly wedded couple that won’t be able to have sex tonight and the next few days because she will feel so much unbearable pain at his first attempt. It’s because the guy is an amateur, a learner. He was a truant in the school the boys learnt from. School of hard knocks.

*end of prophecies*

I’ve left the spirit realm and I’m back in the body now. Let me narrate a very short story that exemplifies prophecy 3.

There was a couple that presented at UCH when I was a student. I heard the story from colleagues. They’re both members of the Deeper Life Bible Church since they were in secondary school (this was in no way planned to mock members of that church). To this couple, unmarried sex (aka fornication) was a sin. Even listening to stories of friends that had had sex was anathema. OK. Pornography is from the devil but reading a book or watching a documentary about sexual intercourse also angered God (By the way, why would you watch anything on the devil’s box?) They’re not health professionals and even asking questions from professionals about sex would take you straight to hell. And while growing up, their parents had considered it satanic to mention the word ‘sex’ in their children’s ears.

So here they were at UCH 4 years after marriage, no child. They had gone from pillar to post, fasted and prayed, gone to different pastors, attended different retreats, sown different seeds (financial), no way out. They had been advised to visit babaláwos and alfas but they stayed with Jesus. He had been advised by his family to look for another woman that could give him children but he stayed with God’s word. This was a temptation of their faith and God must have been using the delay to package a more glorious outcome for them. All things work together…

But this was the first time they were seeking medical help. A doctor that was a ‘brethren’ in their church advised them and here they were in the hospital. Over a number of visits, all tests showed that they both were OK medically. Then one day, as they were in the clinic, a medical student engaged them in a jovial conversation. He asked them to describe their sexual intercourse. The brother had simply been staying in the outer court of the temple, not reaching the inner court, talk less of the holy of holies. The guy had no idea of how deep God’s love could be and that he would need a conscious, deliberate, muscular effort to go through the troops to reach the promised land. He didn’t know that you don’t swim with only your head in the water: the rest of your body must be fully immersed in the pool!

OK. Let me stop but you get the drift. Very naive guy. He had been sexing his bride for 4 years and she was still a virgin. Technically. The problem became known to everybody in the clinic and they practically tutored them on how to engage in what is called ‘PENETRATIVE, even borderline perforative sex’. An anatomy atlas was used to show him the average dimensions of the vagina and that it’s NOT a 2 milimetre-long canal as he had thought. The sister too had never explored her own body that much. ‘Touch not an unclean thing’ says the Lord. And even if she had done that, would she have known that he hadn’t been reaching the benchmark?

The brother went home with vigour that came from this education. No one knows what happened from that night onwards but we had an idea. The Lord did it! Hallelujah! By the time they showed up at the clinic 2 months after, she was pregnant (EGA 3 weeks).

Moral of the story
Sex is a forbidden word around here. I’m sure so many people are already cringing in holy indignation as I’m using that word freely in this write-up. Na you sabi. Hypocrite! And that’s why couples live frustrated sex lives all their lives. I even heard that pastors and church marriage committees have taken over nowadays. You see. There are things you learn from pastors but this one is not one of them. This one should be learnt from experienced friends and family members, Internet and chat rooms. That’s if you have already missed out on the essence of your secondary school and university campus days.

And the experts are sex therapists but unfortunately, sex therapists can’t operate here because of the ultra-conservative nature of our society. And that’s why we’re not 360° healthy. Someone whose sex life is not fulfilling is an up-and-coming lunatic. Sexual health is an integral part of health.

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2 Comments

  1. ErnyyBobo December 17, 2016

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