Police Are Useless in Nigeria. We Don’t Need Them!

Evans is one of the trending topics in Nigeria right now. If you don’t know what that means, you must have been living in a cave but never mind: I’m always here to help you. Evans is the alias of a certain Nigerian criminal who was recently rounded up by the Nigerian police and ever since his successful capture, he has been dropping newsworthy confessions of seismic proportions. This guy is not your regular miscreant. You need to be something pretty special to trend in the news and three things put him on that pedestal.

One, he is a psychopathic multitasking felon: he is a kidnapper, a drug peddler, an armed robber, among other things. He’s some kind of ‘jack of all trades, master of all’ in the underworld. And no, I ain’t making this shit up: he self-confessed them all! Two, he committed his crimes in epic proportions. Dude can’t even remember how many people he has ever kidnapped! He collected ransoms on his victims, not in Naira, and not just in dollars, but in thousands of dollars! He once intercepted a bullion van from which he effortlessly took ₦200m. And so on and so forth. You don’t become a billionaire owning properties all over the place by being a petty criminal. And three, he is international, operating from Nigeria, to South Africa and Ghana.

OK. Let’s go back to the topic — the police. And I don’t mean just the police. I’m referring to all law enforcement agencies be it the police, Customs, the NDLEA, Civil Defence, NAFDAC, EFCC, DSS, FRSC, just name it. Nope. They’re useless in Nigeria. We don’t need them. It’s unfortunate we’ve been wasting taxpayers’ money (more like our oil money) to pay and equip these folks. And the same thing goes for the whole justice system: the lawyers, and the judges, and the courts are of no use to us in this country.

Two weeks ago, I received the sad news of the death of one Mr. Adeoye (not his real name) who was a very important person. He was a diligent and intelligent man who was very strategic and visionary about his business. The circumstances surrounding his death were tragic quite alright but in addition, they were mysterious to regular Nigerians. His business, which though was younger than the others, succeeded in putting some of his competitors out of business in the town. Thus almost everybody I spoke with concluded that it must have been a spiritual attack coming from one of the competitors he was inadvertently putting out of business. In fact, they almost unanimously fingered one culprit because the person’s business was the one most hit by the hurricane of the deceased’s successful business. They were kinda’ sure it was Mr. Bamidele (not his real name) that killed Mr. Adeoye.

So he must have done it. He must have been the one that cast the magical spell and fired the spiritual arrow that took Adeoye’s life. You need two things to establish murder: you need a culprit and you need malice aforethought and here, both conditions have been satisfied. Thus by all means, Adeoye’s death was murder: we know the culprit and we know why he did it. But none of the proponents of this nonsensical theory is willing to prosecute the offender. One, they know they can’t provide the evidence. Unlike the physical type of murder where you can provide evidence for the weapon, the location, the manner, etc, you can’t prove spiritual murder in a court of law as it’s impossible to tender spirits and invisible forces as evidence. And two, nobody wants to risk their life to even speak against someone who can kill you without using any physical means.

So there are 2 types of murder in Nigeria. In fact, there are 2 types of crimes in Nigeria. We have the physical crime and the spiritual crime. If you have been observant enough, you will have noticed that most deaths around you are tagged spiritual attacks. In Nigeria, 90 % of the times, any premature death (defined in my country as anyone that dies before the age of 70 years) is a spiritual attack. Witches and juju must have killed such a person. Some educated people won’t ascribe so many deaths to spiritual attacks though but they still believe that spiritual murder is a reality. And that’s where the problem is. Of what use are the police when they are useless in spiritual murders that either are a strong reality or do constitute the vast majority of the murders around? Why invest so much in something that won’t suffice in all situations and as a matter of fact, only in say 10 % of the cases?

It’s not only murder. Other crimes go the same way. You can physically make someone fall ill by poisoning them or something. If you’re caught, you will be prosecuted for attempted murder or something but who will arrest or prosecute you if you spiritually attack someone and make them ill? Even our president’s ill health which has troubled the whole nation has been attributed to the spiritual handiwork of his enemies. And no, this wasn’t some illiterate people talking rubbish. We’re talking about the elites of our society spewing this story and a cross-section of the country accepting it.

Many people around here believe that armed robbers can employ spiritual means of operation. They can use spiritual bulletproof vests, magically disappear from robbery scenes, etc. In fact, someone with the appropriate spiritual ‘equipment’ can command money to disappear from a bank vault or someone else’s shop and appear beside him on his bed in his bedroom. Can the DSS, police, or EFCC chase someone like this one? So how do we succeed in our fight against corruption when the real stealing can proceed so effortlessly and unimpeded? What plans does the government’s anticorruption machinery have against folks who are becoming rich through money rituals?

If you have never heard of spiritual husbands, it’s because you’re not a Nigerian. These are men that will come to have sex with you against your wish in your sleep. How do you arrest them for rape? What about someone that touches you with a charm on the street and hypnotizes you such that when he’s through with you, you won’t even remember what has happened to you: ladies, how do you call the police in such a situation?

The police are useless in a country where everybody believes that crimes can be committed magically

The police are useless in a country where everybody believes that crimes can be committed magically

I can go on and on but you get the drift. In other parts of the world, the police can arrest and prosecute criminals but in Nigeria, they can’t do so because most crimes are spiritual and are thus beyond orthodoxy. You can install security cameras in your house but what about armed robbers that will enter your house invisible? You can be smart in front of the ATM but what about those criminals that will hypnotize you right there? Ever heard of ‘Yahoo Plus’? Ask a Nigerian if you don’t know what it means.

Let’s go back to the Evans story. There are 2 possibilities. It’s either he was a dumb criminal who felt he would continue succeeding without fortifying himself spiritually or he did fortify himself spiritually but was unfortunate to be captured by a superior higher power. If the latter was the case, he was still dumb though: he should’ve procured the most superior power, shouldn’t he? Real serious-minded Nigerian criminals who will be impenetrable to the efforts of the police and other law enforcement agents should equip themselves spiritually. By the same logic, politicians that will successfully rig elections only have to employ spiritual means in doing it. So many huge sums of money have been discovered in all manners of locations in my country and we’re yet to be able to trace the sources or the culprits: maybe they were stolen using spiritual means, isn’t it?

Perhaps the latter was the case. Evans was caught by the police only after he was caught by a superior spiritual power — the power of God through Pastor Adeboye of RCCG. It’s true oooo. This is many people’s explanation. If you doubt me, read it here. So what’s more? All we need is to abandon all these police and law enforcement agents. Let everybody go spiritual. For personal protection, pray. To arrest and prosecute a criminal, let’s pray. The police are of no use in Nigeria. We don’t need the police. We simply need more pastors and prayer warriors.

I know police officers who will never confront a criminal if they know he is spiritually fortified. I’ve heard of special-ops before which the police officers considered it necessary to visit a juju man to guarantee a successful bust-up. Abundant are the stories of judges who, because of the alleged spiritual ferocity of the concerned offenders, need to wear charms underneath their gowns before delivering certain judgements. I can’t but ask who made us like this. Why have we remained a people held down by fears of the nonexistent? How does a justice system function optimally when these beliefs are rife in our brains?

I’m sure by now, you already know how this write-up will end. I will end by reminding you that it is totally nonsensical to believe that someone can commit murder or any other crime for that matter using spiritual means. That belief is a slippery slope that can only lead to chaotic conclusions. We can’t work with that belief. These are the kinds of beliefs we need to drop if we need to progress as a people. The call to abandon primitiveness and embrace modern ways of thinking can never be overemphasized.

Thanks for reading.

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  1. wale walexhino June 20, 2017
  2. Olubunmi Odebiyi June 19, 2017

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