Tiwa Savage’s marital saga reminds us that successful celebrity marriages are the exceptions, not the norm.
Few days ago, Tiwa Savage’s marriage sank into a terminal crisis and the whole Internet went agog. Everybody picked up an emergency career: some people became overnight marriage counselors and experts while others turned themselves to investigative journalists poring through the 45-minute Pulse TV video interview. Emotions were involved as some people updated their social media statuses every hour picking different angles of the story. Some people fought each other on the matter. They carry their own matter for hand and put other people matter for head.
Then I began to ask myself: what’s the big deal? Nothing. I had only one status update about the issue and it was a sarcastic one. I wasn’t bothered so much. Why? Because I’ve realized that successful celebrity marriages are the exceptions, not the norm. It was bound to happen. OK. Not 100% bound to happen but with some ninety-something percent probability to happen. At least, statistically. Just calculate the ratio of the big-budget, celebrity weddings in which the couples lasted 5 years to those who didn’t last up to that. That’s the regular Hollywood story and for me, matrimonial catastrophe is an occupational hazard for that profession. Their lifestyle is almost always incompatible with what’s necessary to choose the right partner or live understandably with a partner. That’s another story for another day.
This is why I am not so bothered about this story. I was just like ‘Well, another usual story has just unfolded.’ Few weeks ago, we heard the death knell announcing the sad end of the Chris and Anita Oyakhilome’s marriage after so many years of ugly drama twists. So nothing out of the extraordinary has happened here. Am I happy that this has happened to this couple? No. I’m not a Devil Incarnate. I’m not happy. I’m just indifferent. They’re celebrities. They signed up for that life and they both have what it takes to move on. Lots of marriages of anonymous people on the streets experience the same sad situations and people don’t go gaga on the internet. The customary courts are notorious for hosting divorce sessions. They’re so notorious for that purpose that in Yoruba parlance that they’ve been nicknamed kóòtù kọkọkọkọ (divorce courts). There are lowly people who don’t have the kind of socioeconomic muscles to survive the accident like Tiwa Savage and TeeBillz have. I’d rather be all compassionate and emotional about those other folks than these celebrities. So I’m asking myself again: why are people so much bothered here?
The answer is obvious: it’s because they’re celebrities. Because their stories made front pages and headlines of newspapers and gossip magazines. Running deep beneath the tragedy lies people’s desire to be entertained. And entertained they’ve been about this even if they would deny it. This is the general reason for everybody. However, while going through a few of people’s status updates and comments, I discovered some of these following reasons. I would discuss them under the two genders — guys and ladies.
It’s simple. A large cross-section of guys didn’t understand why TeeBillz would behave like that. They’re wondering why a guy would be married to such a successful young lady and not remain cool-headed. They waxed lyrical about how he didn’t do this right or that right. They felt like TeeBillz threw away a lifetime opportunity, one that they would’ve grabbed with both hands if they were the ones presented with it. One even said he would wash her underwear everyday if she wanted. Anyway, here’s my response to them: they should stop the hypocrisy. Many of them would do worse if they were in TeeBillz’s shoes. Till we find them in that situation, we never can know what they will do.
They were the major participants in the emotional orgy. Perhaps because Tiwa Savage was more of the victim in the drama. So there’s a gender connection. They waxed lyrical about why it may be better not to be married at all, or it may be better not to let down your guards for a man, or not to trust any man in a relationship. A particular girl even said she would prefer a marriage in which her mother-in-law was dead, forgetting that she herself could become a mother-in-law one day. Of course, in times like these, sanity gets flung outta the window and stupidity is enthroned. But there are two subgroups of ladies whose reactions are distinct.
One, the expiring spinsters, i.e., those who are around and beyond their 30’s and are yet to secure a romantic relationship. They found, in the story, a good way to make themselves happy about their not succeeding in securing a relationship yet. They feel bittersweet about their present condition and this Tiwa Savage’s story provides the ‘sweet’ aspect for them. This story presents marriage as a bondage and punishment, something their unfortunate situation has somehow prevented them from suffering. Some sort of blessing in disguise? Deep within them, they go ‘This is why some of us are yet to be married. Men can’t be trusted. See what TeeBillz did to Tiwa Savage.’ They won’t say it out loud but it’s running deep in their subconscious. That’s been the source of their passionate energy about this drama.
The other subgroup are those who have suffered a conjugal disaster, whether as married or as men’s ex-girlfriends. They’ve suffered gender violence, gender abuse, and general betrayal from their ex-lovers, similar to what Tiwa Savage has allegedly suffered in this story. So they’ve found some solace, some sort of refuge in this. In this story lies a connection that touches them in some special way. And negatively, it has formed another layer of apprehension in them trying to love again.
These two groups of ladies are those who were patient enough to pore through a 45-minute video interview about someone’s private affair. They must have paid very rapt attention to every single second of that video, frame by frame. While people like us didn’t bother to watch at all or even watch not beyond the first 5 minutes, they have perhaps watched the whole 45:16 over and over again. Like they would write an exam on it first thing tomorrow morning. I’m not one of those who despise people for not being married. In fact, I somehow think that marriage is overrated. So I have no problems with you if you’ve decided not to marry. I’m also not all judgmental on you if you earnestly want to marry but you’ve not achieved this goal of yours. I’ve just explained why I think you’ve been so consumed with the Tiwa Savage story perhaps more than other people. Please, find it in your heart not to misunderstand me here.
It’s alright. I perfectly understand you. Whatever makes you tick. But just know that most times in life, how you lay your bed is how you lie on it. Reading stories of people who have died in road traffic accidents shouldn’t prevent you from travelling by road. And that you yourself have been involved in an accident in the past doesn’t mean you will never travel by road again. I hope you understand what I mean. I’m not some sort of marriage counselor but in my articles in the future, I’ll like to share some little tips about how to avoid similar accidents in marriage. This is not the right time to do that. For now, let everybody continue basking in the Tiwa Savage drama till it wears out in the next few days.